How to deal with people who won’t listen

Have you ever been in a situation when you are talking to someone and before you can finish speaking, the person interrupts you and now starts talking about something else? Be it professional life or personal life, it can be frustrating to deal with people who cannot listen to you.

We all know at least one person who makes sure you listen when he’s speaking, but doesn’t pay attention when it’s your turn.

This behavior can arise for a variety of reasons: a talkative nature, a know-it-all attitude, impatience, anxiety, or simply a lack of interest in actively listening.

Before you put all the blame on them, pause. Both parties may be at fault in this case. The hearing impaired person may annoy you with their poor listening skills (after all, we all want to be heard), but it’s also important to point out how this behavior affects you and ask them to improve.

Additionally, you should work on your communication skills, especially if you tend to repeat yourself over and over again, which could be construed as disrespect for the other person’s time.

Effect

If a person does not listen even after being told about his behavior, he should not be surprised if he faces resentment and distrust from the people around him including his friends, partners and colleagues.

“They may feel neglected or irrelevant, which can lead to resentment and lack of trust. Ignoring others can lead to emotional distance and unresolved conflicts in relationships,” says Dr Munia Bhattacharya, consultant psychologist at Marengo Asia Hospital, Gurugram.

When a partner isn’t listened to, they can feel distant and undervalued, which can lead to even more serious problems. Effective communication is vital to a healthy relationship, and active listening is a key part of that.

Dr Bhattacharya said that developing effective listening skills is essential to maintain and promote healthy relationships.

She says, “When people feel listened to and understood, they feel more trusting, respected, and a sense of belonging. On the other hand, neglecting to listen can undermine the foundation of any relationship, increasing the risk of emotional distress and potential breakup.”

Then why don’t some people listen?

“The causes can range from past experiences or learnt behaviour from childhood to personality traits such as being overly aggressive and aggressive, and anxiety,” says Mumbai-based psychologist and psychotherapist Priyanka Kapoor. Often, a defensive attitude, an unwillingness to admit mistakes or a lack of value for others’ perspectives lead to poor listening.

“Disorders such as attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) can cause difficulty concentrating and listening over long periods of time,” says Dr. Bhattacharya.

How to deal with such people?

Although you can’t control whether or not someone listens to you, there are strategies you can use to deal with people who don’t listen:

Ask more questions: Ask the person you’re talking to open-ended questions. “When you’re explaining something, give the other person a chance to ask questions. This helps keep the conversation balanced,” suggests Dr. Bhattacharya.

Describe how you are feeling: Don’t expect them to understand your feelings just because they don’t listen to you. Tell them how you feel, without being accusatory. “Use ‘I’ phrases,” advises Dr. Bhattacharya, such as, ‘When I share my thoughts I feel like I’m not being listened to and you don’t respond.'” Let them know what the consequences are if they don’t change.

Show them what it’s like to listenListen actively to them and show what it means to listen effectively. “Show that you are listening too. Nod, make eye contact and respond appropriately to what they are saying,” suggests Dr. Bhattacharya.

Be patient and persevere: Consider repeating important points to reinforce your message.

Don’t lose your patience: Anger and frustration when you aren’t heard can make the other person defensive and less likely to listen.

You should also remember the things you can control – like the timing of the conversation, the way you talk, and your expectations.

“We must talk at the right time. If the person is tired, upset, sick or very busy, we cannot expect them to be immediately available to talk. Always ask when they are free to talk. It is also advisable to tell them about the topic of discussion and its importance, so that they are mentally prepared, especially when it is a serious topic,” suggests Priyanka Kapoor.

If you feel someone is not listening to you, avoid attacking them with negative words.

“Also, we should avoid too much speech and repetition. If it goes on for too long, no one will like to listen. So stick to the point and get the point across,” says Kapoor.

Remember, patience is key. Set boundaries and try to compromise.