How to keep in touch with old friends if you are unable to keep in touch with them?

In the race to move forward, we often forget the importance of staying connected to our past. We leave behind memories and people who helped shape us.

Let us ask you: how many friends from your school days are you still in touch with? And we don’t just mean those on your Facebook or Instagram list.

While some people are great at keeping in touch with old friends, many struggle with it. It’s not intentional; they really want to have those nostalgic chit-chats or meet up for a coffee, but somehow they never seem to fit it into their current lives.

Are friendships seasonal for some people?

Sheena Sood, consultant psychologist and counsellor at PD Hinduja Hospital and MRC, Mumbai, explains india today Seasonal friendships are very common and seen all around us.

“I have had cases where people have only had seasonal friendships, no long-term ones. I once had a case where a patient was so estranged from his best friend from school that when they met at a reunion, he didn’t recognise him,” she says.

Apart from this, Dr. Trideep Chaudhary, Associate Consultant Psychiatrist, Department of Mental Health and Behavioral Sciences, Fortis Escorts Hospital, Faridabad, explains that seasonal friendship is also temporary or cyclical like the weather.

Just as every season has its own distinct characteristics, every friendship has its own dynamics. As people constantly move from one place to another in search of work opportunities or other factors, they develop friendships with new people because humans are social creatures and need other people around them.

In doing so, old friends tend to fall out of sight. Though they may occasionally talk on the phone, physical distance and being caught up in their busy lives may cause them to interact less and thus the relationship may become dormant or end.

Sumalatha Vasudeva, a psychologist at Gleneagles BGS Hospital in Bengaluru, shares a similar opinion. She says, “It is quite common for people to form close bonds with people they meet regularly. This bonding with new people reduces the frequency of interactions with old friends. The dynamics of these friendships may change, reflecting new priorities in life.”

out of sight out of mind

Experts say there are several reasons why some people lose touch with old friends and this could explain some aspects of their behaviour and personality.

The biggest reason is busy schedules. As people get older, their responsibilities often increase, and physical distance can make it difficult to maintain regular contact. Changing interests and preferences develop over time. What bound friends together in the past may no longer be relevant.

In addition, some people may find it emotionally exhausting to maintain multiple relationships over time. Major life changes such as career changes, marriage, and children can lead to changes in social circles.

Some people are less likely to go out in general, and as a result, friendships may end because they don’t want to make the extra effort to meet up.

It should also be kept in mind that the way people communicate has also changed over the past decade. Many people now prefer to connect via social media rather than interact face-to-face.

It is also important to consider the financial aspect. Two friends who met in school or college may not be from the same social status and may also have different spending capacities when they meet.

Experts also say that if you constantly feel a lack of ability to maintain relationships, it may mean that you need help and need to correct this habit. But, sometimes it is good to keep distance from conflicting relationships and maintain mental peace.

Losing contact can affect your mental health

“Social life is one of the strongest and most reliable routes to well-being. Maintaining contact with old friends can help you maintain your emotional well-being and personal growth,” says Sumalatha Vasudeva.

• Having a shared history with someone can be comforting.
• Long-term friends have seen you go through different phases and changes; so they are more likely to accept you as you are.
• Old friends can provide unique and profound emotional support during challenging times.
• Strong social connections can reduce feelings of loneliness and isolation.

Remember that every relationship is an investment; the longer the friendship lasts, the greater the investment.

Dr Tridip Chowdhary says that losing touch with old friends can affect your mental health, as their presence in your life can impact various aspects of it.

Old friends act as a support system for you, and it takes time to develop that comfort level with new friendships. The whole process can be exhausting.

Lack of consistent support leads to mental health problems such as anxiety and depression.

How to maintain contact?

• Set reminders on your calendar to reach out or call periodically to maintain the relationship.
• Share memories by sending old photos or reminiscing about shared experiences.
• Plan a face-to-face meeting whenever possible, even if it’s just once a year. Remember that face-to-face conversations strengthen relationships.
• Social media can also be helpful. Liking or commenting on your old friend’s posts can help you connect with them.
• Be honest; if you’re having trouble keeping in touch, let them know. They’ll appreciate your honesty.
• Remember your friends’ special occasions and be grateful for them; a simple message or gift can show that you care.
• Make sure that reaching out is reciprocal and a two-way process, so if one friend doesn’t reach out, the other should get in touch.
• Expressing genuine affection and caring for your old friends helps keep the friendship intact. Show them that their support means a lot to you.

Always stay connected with the people who matter.